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Discussing advance directives can be tough because of the emotions associated with "end-of-life planning." However, while difficult, having these conversations can ease the strain on family members when faced with making a decision and will ensure individual health care choices are followed.
Helpful hints to discussing advance directives with those closest to you include some of the following:
- Discuss when you won't be interrupted and are all feeling relaxed.
- Make it clear that these matters don't have to be decided in one sitting and that this will be an ongoing conversation.
- Be straightforward and matter of fact.
- Do not be judgmental. Make it clear that you are seeking THEIR opinions and wishes.
- Discuss what they DO and DO NOT want.
- Ask open-ended questions to clarify values and preferences. Determine their needs and concerns.
A few questions to consider asking:
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- Do you have concerns that your wishes are respected, even if you are unable
to voice them?
- Are you concerned that you will burden someone else with these decisions?
- Do you have any worries that you haven't been able to share before and might
be relieved if we have the conversation?
- Are there relatives or friends who have been unable to communicate their preferences in medical treatment and could have benefited from having advance directives in place?
- Are you afraid of losing control over your life and choices?
- Feel free to draw upon trusted advisors (doctors, lawyers, etc.) and written materials, and offer to engage these outside experts and research if desired.
- Commit to research, if necessary, and complete advance directives, as well as other desired planning tools such as wills or trusts.
For an excellent comprehensive guide to discussing these and other difficult issues, we recommend the kit "Courage in Conversation: A Personal Guide to Advance Directives" published by the Hospice of the Western Reserve, www.hospicewr.org. This kit includes a step-by-step guidance for this conversation, as well as a glossary of terms and worksheet.
The Ohio Hospice & Palliative Care Association's "Creating a Context: Informing
Future Decision Making" and "Relate, Research, Relax": A family resource from
Elder Choices are exciting new initiatives to help spark these conversations.
http://www.ohpco.org
http://www.elderchoices.com
For more information, see:
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